Right now, I'm sitting somewhere between 227 and 222 pounds. When my scale is activated, it has this ambient 5 pound reading on there. I'm not sure how or why that's going on, though I bet it has something to do with the angle of the floor in the bathroom. So, I can just subtract that amount from my total. Right? That's the way it should work. No reason to assume that the scale somehow corrects itself at higher weights, right? No, of course not. I should subtract 5 pounds from whatever the total is showing. Anyway, the last time I weighed myself, it showed 227, so I think I weight 222 pounds (maybe).
While this is still much, much better than where I was years ago at 350+, 222 to 227 represents a 9 to 14 pound gain from my all-time low of 213 last year. And I'm not that 350 pound dude anymore and I haven't been. No one I know in Madison has ever seen me at that weight, and only one person I talk to currently knows me from a heavier time. Madison Bryan is light nearly hairless creature who likes to bicycle to work and has awesome music tastes & righteous politics. Old Bryan (heretofore known as Old Tub) with this nu-metal, donut, fast food, and soda pop love is long gone, just like his hair. I was downright svelte last year, now I'm back to pudgy. Rather I feel pudgy. Empirically, I'm not that bad. Medically, I'm probably obese. Bryanly, I gotta take better care of myself.
But...but...but...
See there are new challenges. I'm a touch older. I have chronic tailbone pain that just kills me when I do activities like biking. No, I haven't asked a doctor about it. Come on, now. What do you take me for? Someone who does things like that? Please. Also I need new running shoes because while I love running, each time I tried I hurt myself to the point where I couldn't run or bike for two days after thanks to knee and calf pain. The shoes I have are pretty old and are cheapo Nikes from Kohls, so I imagine there are better shoes out there that will help me not hurt myself. Plus, with new challenges, politics have become the mother of all time sucks. I want to know more constantly. Facebook has become an evil motherfucker in taking up all my time, reading up about how the governor of this state is ruining one thing or another thing or doing something else dastardly. His latest, okaying half a million dollars in outside legal fees to defend his union-busting bill. See, we're a broke state, so we need to make sure to spend a half million dollars on outside-government legal fees in order to remove rights. You know...for the savings. Motherfucker.
See the problem with saying that "we're broke" you begin to expect government to behave as it if it were actually broke and not doing shit like that.
Argh! Look at that. Again, distracted, irritated and wanting to pursue and explicate to everyone why he's wrong. Not that I know the actually numbers of why he's wrong, but this is not what good government looks like. It should never have to look like this, behave like this, or pursue such ideas so blindly.
Whew. That is why I'm having a hard time staying on task with writing, reading, losing weight and just taking care of me. How can I be worried about such things when there's a fight for the soul of a state and a region I've grown to really care about? Shouldn't I be doing that, all the time? Every moment where I'm not calling people, or doing something to make a difference, aren't I wasting it? And that's not to say I believe I'm some kind of difference maker, but dammit...every moment I'm not doing something politically charges to help reclaim the state, I feel upset at myself. And now, looking in the mirror, I've seen I've neglected myself. Not writing, not reading, not doing any of that. But I have to and goddamnit I'm going to try.
So, here's to doing everything and doing it well because that seems to be my only choice. I know it'll be unhealthy, but it's what's I must do.
I had set a private goal of losing 20 to 30 pounds by my birthday, but that probably won't happen. I just need to lose 5 pounds by the end of August, recall at least 3 Republican legislators, push the serving Democrats to a more meaningful left (not just Republican light, but honest to god fair/progressive tax reform for starters), read more (like finish that goddamn American Rust book) and write every day. Every damn day. That doesn't seem so hard, does it?
viva wisco y me
