While others did crowd Russ to shake his hand or grab pictures after he left the podium, I hung back. Oh, I wanted to mix it up and I was there on the outskirts of the melee of people having him sign things, or sticking out their hand for a quick political grasp. It turned into a scrum, so I backed off. Hard to see the value of this kind of thing. That's not really meeting him, it's harassing. Plus, it is absurd that people do that to those we admire. What's the value of crushing in around people like that? It means nothing to them, little to you, and really nothing is accomplished. Evolutionarily, I wonder why we do it. Does getting closer and touching those we admire mean something to our lizard brain? What? To prove that maybe this thing we admire or like is a tangible thing so we must touch it to prove in our hearts that, yes, it truly exists? I don't know, and I'm off topic. Anyway, I didn't crowd the man.
Emily and I biked home from the event and we just lucked into Russ Feingold outside of a restaurant at downtown Madison. We stopped, talked for a second, shook his hand, and I apologized to him. It was a glorious moment, one that I'll remember for quite a while. Shame that I didn't get a picture with him, but that'll be for another time, if I'm lucky enough to meet him again.
I was stupid giddy about meeting him, too. I called my buddy Seth right afterwards and said, "Dude, I met fucking Russ Feingold! I shook his fucking hand!" I smiled for hours afterwards. The next morning, I couldn't wait to tell the people I worked with that I met Russ Feingold. I'm still surprised this happened.
Anyway, I told him that I was sorry that I did not campaign for him, that I only voted for him. I promised myself that I would apologize to him if I ever got the chance and, by god, I did it.
Now, why? Russ was going to lose in the election because of any number of forces lined up against him. There was probably nothing I could have done to reverse the outcome of this election, but the results bugged me just the same. It irritated me that so many people would vote against Feingold for...Christ, I still don't know why people voted against Feingold. They just did.
That sense of irritation is what bugged me though and stuck with me. If I was so irritated, so upset that Feingold lost, why didn't I do anything to stop it, or at least try to stop it? Even if I failed, which I probably would have, how much right to my feelings do I have if I made zero effort to produce a different outcome? None. I felt I had no right to complain, no right to feel this irritation, this loss, this anger of him losing because I didn't do shit about it. I could hold no claim to my indignation.
It seems silly, maybe. I am but one nervous and shy man, who still lacks the conviction for bold choices after all. I may not make much of a difference, but I can at least try in my own small, quiet way and own some responsibility to affect the changes I believe in.
That's why I apologized. He embodies what I want in a politician and what happens if not enough people care. I did not stand up or even try to stand up for what I believed in. It's embarrassing. Oh, I put a bumper sticker on my car, big deal. Have you ever had your mind changed with a bumper sticker with someone's last name and a number on it? I should hope not.
But that's why I am where I am now. All this stuff I'm doing. The phone banking. Chanting. Protesting. Boycotting. Donating. All of it all ties back to Russ Feingold losing that election because never again would I not at least try.
So, again, I'm sorry I let you (and myself) down in 2010, Russ Feingold. It won't happen again.
viva wisco
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